Originally published Tuesday, September 10, 2019 at 09:03p.m.

HOLLYWOOD — God bless America, and how’s everybody?

The Hollywood Reporter published an article on Friday on plans by celebrities to influence the 2020 presidential election on TV, in the movies, at awards shows and on social media. Just last weekend, Taylor Swift went on Twitter and ripped President Trump. When did HE break up with her?

The FBI just released Jeffrey Epstein’s flight log of all the people who have flown aboard the Lolita Express with the late billionaire sex offender, including the late Sen. Teddy Kennedy. But he had a good excuse to be on the plane. For years Teddy was on Homeland Security’s No-Drive List.

The Fed Ex Cup was decided at the famed old East Lake Country Club in Georgia. In the third round, a lightning bolt shattered a huge tree, injuring six. An eighty-six-year-old club member said it was the worst thing to happen since women and minorities were allowed on the course.

Indianapolis Colts quarterback Andrew Luck tearfully announced his retirement at the young age of twenty-nine, but he will keep his signing bonus. So the team will be paying him twenty-five million dollars not to play football. It’s so nice to see the NFL has adopted U.S. farm policy.

President Trump revealed he will host next year’s G-7 Summit Conference at the Trump Doral Hotel and Golf Club. Trump said it won’t make him any money, and added that being president has cost him billions of dollars. It’s borderline hilarious that Trump is the only one hurting under Trump.

Bill Clinton got some good news on his seventy-third birthday as the Democratic candidates avoid him, regarding his endorsement as Me Too poison. The good news is, Showtime is going to make a miniseries based upon Bill’s recently-published crime novel. It’s called My Life with Hillary.

President Trump caught the usual grief from Democratic pundits for skipping the G-7 global warming meeting, which bemoaned the effects of climate change. I am starting to worry about that Amazon fire. My forty-two-inch flat-screen still hasn’t arrived and they aren’t answering the phone.

Brazil’s government expressed its gratitude for all the international help that Brazil’s firefighters are receiving as they battle hundreds of Amazon blazes. I simply don’t understand why the Amazon is burning. You’d think a rainforest would have come with a built-in sprinkler system.

Harvey Weinstein’s sexual-assault-in-the-shower trial was delayed after a third accuser joined the prosecution Monday. He doesn’t look so bad after a year of R. Kelly and Jeffrey Epstein.

The trial was moved to January, but not before Weinstein entered a plea of At Least They Were Eighteen.

South Carolina Congressman Mark Sanford will enter the GOP primaries, ten years after the then-governor disappeared from his wife to Brazil with his mistress. I once pitched a TV sitcom to ABC starring Mark Sanford, Bill Clinton and Donald Trump. It was called Everybody Loves Adultery.

A NASA lesbian astronaut was accused of hacking her estranged wife’s checking account while in orbit. Interest is huge. When it was first reported that lesbians were going at it in Outer Space, inquiring minds crashed Pornhub looking for any news footage they could find.