Originally published Saturday, April 14, 2018 at 06:00a.m.
God bless America, and how’s everybody?
The Wall Street Journal reports the plantation mansion where Robert E. Lee grew up as a boy has been placed on sale for nine million dollars. Lee’s home was built 200 years ago for around twenty thousand dollars. That makes it the only Confederate monument today that’s going up.
Mark Zuckerberg insisted Facebook doesn’t glean personal information in two grueling days of testimony to Congress. His stock went up three billion during his testimony. Zuckerberg got a little cocky Wednesday when he began addressing House members by their mother’s maiden names.
Mark Zuckerberg spent hours in testimony before U.S. senators Tuesday defending Facebook’s formula of selling advertisers a target list of customers from the FB user’s posts, pictures and selfies. The site is a safe-space for narcissism. Facebook has two billion users, second only to heroin.
Lamar Odom opened an organic pot business in L.A. Thursday, continuing his association with drugs. Last year Lamar’s barber friend in Inglewood was arrested by L.A. police for dealing coke and Lamar was shocked. Lamar has been his customer for seven years and had no idea he’s a barber.
Speaker Paul Ryan surprised everyone Thursday announcing he will retire from the House of Representatives to spend more time with his family. He wants to pass the baton. Speaker Ryan feels after serving for twenty years in Congress it’s time to step aside and let someone else get nothing done.
The White House urged Congress to pass an infrastructure bill before adjourning. Rebuilding the electrical grid is already underway in Los Angeles. High winds tore down many power lines in West Hollywood this morning and my computer crashed more times than a Muslim in a rented van.
President Trump said relations between the U.S. and Russia are worse than they were during the Cold War. We’ll win it a second time, too. Donald Trump practices for the Cold War every morning just by looking across the breakfast table and asking his wife if he made the tabloids today.
FBI former director James Comey launches his book tour tonight with an interview on ABC News with fresh new gossip on President Trump. He is undoubtedly the FBI’s biggest drama queen since J. Edgar Hoover. FBI groupies can only speculate how tall Comey would be in high heels.
London hosted its annual Olivier Awards and Hamilton set a record for the most awards ever won. It celebrates the Founding Father whose ideas shaped a newly-independent America into the nation it has become. It’s why to this day England celebrates Thanksgiving on the Fourth of July.
The White Privilege Conference gathering of college students was held at Western Michigan College last week but not everyone’s ashamed. Chanel just introduced a fragrance called White Privilege. When a woman rubs her wrists together it smells just like a Black American Express Card.
CIA Director Mike Pompeo appeared before the Senate Foreign Relations Committee Friday for his Secretary of State confirmation hearings. He had a tough time convincing Democrats he would be a good diplomat. Even Pompeo’s name sounds like a volcano that’s going to kill everybody.
U.S. warships sailed into the Eastern Mediterranean along with British submarines Wednesday, which threatened to attack Syria over its alleged chemical attack on civilians. Russia threatened to sink any U.S. or British ships that fire on Syria. I read it on the AP wire and in the Book of Revelation.
Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and entertains groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at Argus@ArgusHamilton.com.