Argus Hamilton: George Stephanopoulos to be replaced with a eunuch
Originally published Saturday, December 2, 2017 at 06:00a.m.
BEVERLY HILLS — God bless America, and how’s everybody?
CBS fired CBS Morning News host Charlie Rose Monday for sexual misconduct with women following lurid accusations against him. A few days later, NBC fired Today Show host Matt Lauer for sexual misbehavior. ABC just announced they’re replacing George Stephanopoulos with a eunuch.
Alabama GOP candidate Roy Moore leads in his race despite his sex scandal while Democrats John Conyers and Al Franken are asked to resign over their sex scandals. The difference is, Roy’s debauchery was in the late 1970s. The lesson for Democrats is, there’s a time and place for everything.
Southern California enjoyed its first rainfall of the autumn Monday, benefitting ski resorts up in Big Bear. The change of seasons is a huge inconvenience in L.A. For instance, it happens every time in Los Angeles—you wash your car one day, and the VERY next day, you hit a pedestrian.
Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are planning to live in Kensington Castle after they marry in June. They’re a popular match. Polls show the British public welcomes the idea of a mixed race addition to the Royal Family, but then anybody would look black standing next to Prince Harry.
President Trump’s daughter and White House advisor Ivanka Trump traveled to India to give a motivational speech to young women in business in India. The speech went smoothly. The great thing about being in India is that if your Teleprompter goes out on you, tech support is a local call.
The Chicago Tribune reported that the six hundredth person this year was shot and killed in the streets of Chicago last week. It’s little wonder why the Democratic Party is opposed to guns. If the shootings continue at this rate, eventually the only people left in Chicago will be Republicans.
President Trump chided Prime Minister Teresa May for coddling Muslim extremism after she blasted him for posting video of ISIS terror in London. Trump is now England’s biggest hero since Nelson. The Trump Doctrine states that if you don’t have anything nice to say about someone, tweet it.
Former Secretary of State John Kerry said Thursday there is still time to negotiate with North Korea. Under his watch, civil war broke out in Syria, ISIS captured three cities in Iraq and the Taliban seized most of Afghanistan. John Kerry couldn’t stop a ketchup fight at a Heinz family picnic.
The White House didn’t deny leaks that President Trump was planning to replace Secretary of State Rex Tillerson in January. The move makes sense. Rex Tillerson is unquestionably a man of sane and sober judgment who is working for peaceful end to the North Korean crisis, so he has to go.
The State Department dodged reporters demanding to know if it’s true that President Trump is planning to fire Rex Tillerson and replace him in January. Being in Donald Trump’s cabinet is like being married to Henry VIII. Everyone agrees this is the most exciting season of The Apprentice ever.
President Trump was ripped for cracking a Pocahontas joke about Senator Elizabeth Warren while hosting the legendary Navajo code-breakers who served in World War II. There weren’t any hard feelings. The Navajo’s laughed and gave Trump his own Indian name, Dances with Putin.
The Secret Service has spent a hundred fifty grand on golf carts since Trump took office. This is part of the settlement the agents made three years ago after their advance work in Colombia. Once they test clean for cocaine and gonorrhea for two years, they can drive regular cars on the road again.
President Trump upset the media by posing with Native American leaders at the White House Tuesday while standing in front of a painting of Andrew Jackson. They think it’s Trump’s most insensitive racial gaffe since he posed with the President of Mexico under a portrait of himself.